Of Ranches and Romance
by Shai-Lang
Summary: Claire was expecting a nice luxurious life in MT, unfortunately she got more than she bargained for, MUCH more. Pairings: All canon couples, Doctor/Claire, One-sided Skye/Claire
1. Prologue

_A/N:So yeah this is my first time trying out writing for the Harvest Moon fandom, after much lurking around here and finding that most of the fics were Graire(Seriously though why?? They're not even that great a couple if you think about it.) I decided to try my hand out in writing, only this time I'm making it a Doclaire fic!! Yep that's right, and as you will soon see though that this isn't your average Doclaire fic, I'm making Claire a little bit different in this fic, as you shall soon see. After all Claire is supposed to be the reflection of the player so that's what I'm making her, and no this isn't your traditional self-insert because she'll still have all my faults and actually barely any talents, but I hope you'll still continue to root for her!! Anyway's this is the short introductory prolouge so enjoy!!^^_

_Disclaimer:Harvest Moon does not belong to me, but to Natsume._

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Prolouge

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So how did a sweet normal, innocent girl like me get suckered into farming a dump?? Well let's just say it all started last week, all thanks to a stupid television commercial.

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**Flashback**

"_Tired of city life?? Tired of the hustle and bustle, and the traffic?? How about trying out the country life for a change?? With our relaxing peaceful farm, you'll wish you came here sooner!! For a limited time only, Mineral Town's farm is now available for purchase, come live the farming life!! Play and raise animals, go down by the rivers and fish to your heart's content, grow delicious crops and then either eat em or ship em. And last but not least, dig your way through the Mineral Town mines and uncover rare and exotic jewels and treasures, which you can sell for a fortune!! It's all waiting for you, right here in Mineral Town, come and enjoy nature's beauty. Do YOU have what it takes to be a farmer?? To make arrangements please call us at 1800-***-*** or contact Mineral Town's Mayor Thomas for more details.''_

As soon as I heard that ad, dollar signs began appearing in my head. And since I could never resist the sweet smell of money, well let's just say it took me only two seconds to dash over to my phone and call the number.

"Oh boy, exotic tresures and fortunes here I come!! Finally, finally I'll be rich, richer than the richest person on earth…. whoever that is. Heh-Heh, I've hit paydirt, it's my lucky day today!! So long humdrum city life, hello farm life!! I'm riding out of here, country-gal style!!'' Was all I could think of in that moment, sadly though I was about to realize it was the biggest mistake of my life. The big question I should of asked myself back then was, how did I get so unlucky?? Because little did I know that by making that phone-call I would be complicating my life in ways I've never dreamed possible.

And so with that phone call begins the story of moi, the story of Claire. Who by fate or trickery was pulled into the complicated, mess that is the very UNpeaceful Mineral Town. Join me as I delve deep into the dillemas of the crazy townspeople, get sucked into village gossip, BECOME a target of village gossip, make the greatest friends I've ever had,(and enemies.) and most importantly…. Get tangled up in a love triangle of epic proportions, oh yeah while still trying to do some farming on the side.

Translation: _DEFENITLY. NOT. WHAT. I. WAS. PLANNING!! _

Seriously, I mean I didn't sign up to being put into a loony-bin town of nut jobs!! Why, why, WHY did I have to stay home and watch TV that day?? I should have just gone out to my job instead of being a lazy-ass and calling in sick that day and lounging around, now look where my laziness got me!!

Stuck in Hicksville with a drama-filled cast. Hopefully the director (or mayor or whatever his title is.) will call cut before some serious fighting takes place, because I think it's getting to the point where one of us is about to snap!!

Well maybe if I just try being optimistic, this story will have a happy ending right…. Yeah, and my one measly cow that I have will fly over the moon!!

Hey wait a minute, where have I heard that before??

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_A/N:Yep so this is the prolouge, and the first chapter should be up right about now. As you can see, already that the image that I'm going for Claire in this fic is a very sarcastic, not so nice, slightly psychotic girl. Because honestly I can't stand all the sugary-sweet perfect Mary-Sue Claires/Farmgirls that I've been seeing around here lately that just make Claire into this perfect little princess and demonize the rival. Well in my fic, the rival will be most certainly demonized but it will mostly be all in the mind of poor deranged Claire. Yeah this is kind of the Anti-Claire, suck on that Mary-Sue writers!!!! Yeah anyways in addition to that instead of just romance and nothing else, this fic will also delve deep into the problems of the villagers and even a huge side-story concerning May's paternity. So please keep reading and don't forget to review!!!!_

_~FireMiko_


	2. Chapter 1

_A/N:The first chapter, enjoy!!_

_Disclaimer:Harvest Moon belongs to Natsume, not me!!_

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So the story begins during the second day of spring, right after New Years. There I am, having finally arrived in Mineral Town thanks to my very efficient travel agent, and I'm looking everywhere for that wonderful rich farm that I've heard so much about…. But all that's in front of me is a dump of a farm…. I am not even kidding!! The fields are so overgrown with weeds, branches, and stones that you barely even have room to till the soil and grow some crops!! Oh yeah, and the supposedly "luxurious relaxing homestead" is really a very UN-luxurious dump of a shack. I mean seriously, it's so small I bet it doesn't even have a bathroom, let alone a kitchen!! And where in the hell are those cute little farm animals that I saw advertised on the commercial that I would play and raise, because I don't see any!!

Convinced that this obviously wasn't my _REAL_ farm that I came here for, I stood there patiently awaiting the mayor of this town to show me to my actual farm so that I could finally get settled in. Even though while I was waiting a very disturbing thought is pounding in my head….

_"Why do I get the feeling that I've just been conned??''_ But I quickly shake the thought off, I mean c'mon there's no way in hell that I got conned, I mean the commercial specifically stated a luxurious farm complete with cute animals might I add awaits me!! Also when I spoke to the mayor on the phone he said I wouldn't regret becoming the owner of Mineral Town's farm!! So obviously this must have been some mistake, and I was just in the wrong area or something. Yeah, you know us city girls, when we get to small towns like these it's easy to get lost ha-ha!! Ha-ha….

"Ah, you must be Claire!! Welcome to Mineral Town!!'' Came a voice from behind me, and obviously it must have been the mayor. Finally I would be getting off this lame excuse for a farm and into my REAL farm. So putting on my most charming fake smile, I slowly turn around and cheerfully reply,…

"Oh of course!! Likewise, it's a pleasure to meet y-GAGGG!!!!'' My eyes nearly rolled up inside my head from the site I just saw. There standing before me was definitely no person, it looked more like a demonic clown, complete with demonic top-hat. And let me tell you this right now…. _I HATE CLOWNS!!!!_

"I-It's alive!!!!'' I shriek as I begin hitting the supposed "mayor" with my good old trusty hammer that I brought from home, I knew it would come in handy.

"Whoa wait a minu-ow-te, ow, what's the big scare, oww, and please stop hitting me!! Ow ow ow ow!!''

"What's the big scare?? WHAT'S THE BIG SCARE YOU ASK?? It's you dummy!! Now back away from me you demonic clown before I get really serious, because I also have an axe and I'm not afraid to use it!!'' Alright, so it was really just a cheap junk ore axe that I bought from the local hardware store before I left the city, and it could barely cut branches let alone make mince-meat but he didn't need to know that.

"D-Demonic clown?? What on earth are you talking about?? I'm the mayor of Mineral Town, Mayor Thomas. Aren't you the one who ordered the farm here, Claire?? You are her aren't you??''

"I-I don't believe you!!'' I scream, there's no way in hell this retarded clown is going to fool me, he's the mayor of this town ppffth yeah right, and I'm a monkey's uncle!! Look at him, his whole appearance practically screams psychopath!!

"Don't believe me if you don't want, but look here, see I really am him.'' The creepy clown replied as he took out an identification card that certified him as the mayor of Mineral Town. But I wasn't convinced just yet….

"How do I know that isn't fake, and you've got the real mayor tied up somewhere??'' I ask pointedly as I narrow my eyes at him.

"If you need further proof, here's my ID picture that came with the identification certificate, see it even has the official stamp of Mineral Town on my picture. I AM Mayor Thomas, the one and only mayor of Mineral Town!!''

Oh shit….I guess he really is the mayor…. And I just hit the mayor dozens of times with my hammer….the one who's selling me my luxury farm…. I pounded him like a whack-a-mole….And I even threatened him….

Crap.

"Oh my god, oh my god I am so so sorry!! I begin apologizing frantically as I repeatedly keep bowing and bowing. I had no idea that you really WERE the mayor, I mean it's just that I thought you were some creepy psycho clown that was an imposter or something, I mean no offense but you do kind of look like one, I-I mean oh no I'm running my mouth again!! I am so so sorry, please forgive me and please let me have the farm.''

"Ha-Ha!! It's alright no harm done, I get that a lot….sadly…. Anyways, as long as you've realized your mistake I'd be happy to still let you have the farm, so don't worry.''

"Really?? Oh thank you, thank you!! Because honestly, I don't know what I'd do if you said no, I mean I sold all my assets and my apartment just so I could pay for the farm so now I'm flat broke!! Not to mention I quit my job, so I have no place to go back to even if I wanted Ha-ha!!''

"Ha-ha-ha-ha….. W-Wait, you quit your job and sold all your belongings??''

"Yup, I nod cheerfully. So I'm all ready to begin a relaxing simple farm life just like it said on that commercial, so show me to my farm !!''

"About that, um well you're already at your new farm.''

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, good one you're quite the comedian!! Next thing you'll be telling me that that's your real face or something. Now seriously though, please show me to my farm, because honestly my feet are killing me, and I could sure use a nice hot bath after the trip that I made, whew!!''

"Ahaha-ha!! Um actually, I'm sorry to be burst your bubble Claire, but this **is** the farm you ordered and yes this is my real face.''

I don't know what happened to me at that moment, but somehow my ears chose to register the "This is my real face part" and completely disregard the way more important answer concering my new farm. Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe I chose to ignore that part due to wishful thinking, and still not believing that I had unfortunately been had. Or perhaps the fact that that really was Mayor Thomas's real face was so much more shocking. I mean, seriously you really expect people to believe that somebody could actually be born that creepy-looking?! Let's get with the program people!! So I did what any distressed sweet little blonde girl would do in my postion, and I marched straight up to the mayor and started poking his nose. Yes that's right, I was poking the mayor's nose, so sue me!! Besides it just looked too…. Well… "pokeable" to resist. Is that even a real word?? Oh who cares it's not relevant to the story anyhow!!

"You're kidding me right?? I ask, I mean are you serious that this is your real face and you're not just cosplaying as a clown or something, or had really really bad plastic surgery??''

**Poke** **Poke** **Poke** **Poke**

"Um I'm afraid I'm most definitely serious….AND WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP POKING MY NOSE ALREADY!?''

"Aww, but it's so cute!! It looks exactly like a clown's nose, even though I hate clowns with a passion the noses still are pretty funny!! Hmm….Too bad it's not squeaking like a clown's nose…''

"That's because it's not a clown's nose….it's a real human nose!! Now are you quite done yet??''

"Nope, not yet. You know you should really take this thing off once in awhile, I mean I know you probably have some weird fetish for dressing up as a clown, but honestly you could scare little children with that getup!! In fact, I'll take it off for you!!'' I then suddenly switch from poking Thomas's nose, to then trying to pull it off.

"Ow, ow, o wow!! And would please kindly stop PULLING my nose now?? Let go, let go!!''

"Ughhh, hold still I almost got it!! GRRRRR….Wahhh!!'' Unfortunately it looks like my pulling skills could use some work, since me and the mayor both fall back onto our butts.

"Oh geez, how'd that thing get stuck to your face anyway, super glue??'' I mutter out sarcastically.

"No as a matter of fact, it's actually my real nose. As I've been trying and trying to tell you!!''

Oh shit….He wasn't kidding.

"So that really is your real face?? It's not some costume or bad surgery….''

"Nope, it's the face that I really was born with sadly.''

Oh dang…. Now I really feel sorry for the guy, that must majorly suck to be born looking like a freak. I wonder if he had some weird genetic mutation while he was in his mom's womb or something….

"Aha-ha-ha-ha!! Geez, I'm sorry again it's just that I still couldn't believe that that was really your real face.''

"Yes yes I get that a lot, like I've said before. Now anyways moving on to business, I wasn't joking before Claire this really is your farm!!''

"Aha-ha-ha-ha…..Y-You're not joking….''

"Nope!! The mayor replys back a little too cheerfully for my taste, Welcome to Mineral Town Claire, and I hope you'll be able to restore this farm to it's previous beauty, Ahaha-ha-haha!!''

Okay yeah that thing I just thought before about having a little compassion for the freak, well that flew out the window as soon as he uttered those words. And let's just say, that sweet, angelic, even-tempered Claire turned into fire-spouting angry Claire right then on the spot!! Well I wasn't literally spouting out fire, but you know what I mean.

"YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!! I can't believe you tricked me like that!! What about the luxurious homestead built for a king?? What about the peaceful relaxing farm-life and rich soil?? WHAT ABOUT THE CUTE LITTLE FARM ANIMALS?!?! The commercial said that I would be living the sweet life out here, so where is it?? That's what I paid for and I demand that that's what I get!!!!''

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, oh about that I'm sorry to say that I was just making all that stuff up, you know just so I could attract a buyer. I mean honestly the farm hasn't been like that in years, not ever since the previous owner passed away. In fact, this was meant to actually be a renovation area, but I couldn't bear to see the farm go, so I thought hey why not lure in some young spirited person and restore the farm to it's former glory!!''

'T-THAT'S FALSE ADVERTISING YOU QUACK!!''

"Yes yes but it worked didn't it?? Sorry if I had to trick you along the way, no hard feelings right??''

I couldn't believe this guy!! He deliberately conned me and he doesn't even feel sorry about it!! Who in the hell made a guy like him mayor anyway's?! Seriously, whatever happened to good old-fashioned honesty?? Or is that losing glamour even in the small towns too??

"Quit fucking with me alright!! I just sold all my assets not to mention my OWN HOME, just so that I could move here, and now I'm flat out broke!! Not to mention I quit my job, so I really CAN'T go back now!! And now you're telling me I did all that just to run some run-down farm?! Screw that, I mean the soil's so overcrowded with junk on it that I don't even have room to WORK!!''

"Well that's what I meant by restoring the farm to it's former glory. I mean once you clear the field you'll be able to plant all the crops you want!!''

OH MY GOD!! Was he just suggesting I do hard-grueling MANUAL LABOR?! Umm, AS IF!! Was he really expecting a chic young city girl like me to get all down and dirty cleaning the SOIL?? These country people have a lot to learn, because there is no way in HELL I'm doing that!! Besides, with how big this field is and how overrun it it is, it would take forever to clear it all!!

"You know this is all your fault for getting me into this situation in the first place!! So don't you think you should do something about it!! I mean don't you even feel any sympathy for me at all??''

"Oh yes yes, I feel your pain I really do but you're the one who chose to naively believe the commercial and blow all your livelihood on the farm. I didn't FORCE you to come work here, that was your own impulsive decision. Word of advice for the future:Don't always believe everything you hear on TV.''

Alright alright, I admit it I was impulsive and was quick to believe everything that commercial said. But c'mon, he doesn't have to rub it in my face like that!! I admit that was one of my stupider decisions, wait scratch that the stupidest decision I've ever made, but can't he cut a girl some slack?? I mean everybody makes mistakes, I'm not perfect!!

"Actually you're the first person yet to have fallen for that ad. I was shocked myself, when I heard somebody had seen the ad for the farm and actually bought it!! It was really more of a last ditch effort for me, I was thinking that it would take somebody really stupid to believe all that!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!''

"Why I outta….'' I grit my teeth as I stomped over to Mayor-Good-For-Nothing, grabbed his shirt, and was about to beat the snot out of him.

"Now now let's not get violent now!! After all you DO still need me. I mean you said yourself you practically threw your whole life away in the city, so where would you go now?? Like it or not you're stuck here.''

Even though I hated to admit it, the little freak was right, so I suppose for now I should cooperate until I find a way out of this mess.

"Well since you've given me no choice…''

"Oh you still have a choice, you can choose to run the farm as it is, or you can still go home but you'll probably have to start from scratch and then you'll have spent all your money for nothing!!''

"You've got a point….Oh what the heck, fine I'll do it, I'll take on the challenge of running this farm!! But only because I can't stand to see wasted money alright!!''

"Oh yes, thank you thank you. I knew you would come around to see it my way, I promise you you won't regret it!!

"I doubt that, I mean I haven't even started farming yet and already I regret it!!''

"Yes that reminds me, speaking of which now that you've decided to farm here, you really do need some farm tools to get you started, I mean a hammer and axe is a start, but it's hardly enough.''

"Well who do I look like to you Santa Claus?? Like I said you got me into this mess, so the least you can do is provide me with the tools seeing as how I'm b.r.o.k.e!! Need I remind you again??''

"Yes yes I know I know, luckily I thought this might happen so I brought some tools of my own that you can have. Here, I got you a watering can, and a sickle since you had told me over the phone that you already had a hammer and axe. Sorry if they're not in the best of condition, but once you use them enough you can upgrade them of course you'll need Ore for that, but you can get that from mining in the mines. I'm sure the commercial mentioned that right??''

Hell yeah it did, it's the main reason why I even chose this type of lifestyle in the first place. And Mayor Thomas just reminded me why I even came to this town in the first place, to get filthy stinking rich!! Maybe working on this farm won't be so bad after all, I mean sure its still a dump and all but as long as I can get my hands on that fortune, I will be one happy girl!! Hee-Hee, I'm practically drooling already….

"Wow Claire, you're smiling already!! Guess you've finally accepted your fate, Aha-ha-ha-ha!!!!''

"Yeah, but before I get started I think I'll finally get revenge for that false advertisment and for all you've put me through.'' I grin evilly as I grab the watering can and sickle that Thomas had just given me, while taking out my hammer and axe.

"O-Oh dear, now now Claire, I'm sure we can just sit down and talk about this, we don't need to resort to violence….C-Claire??''

"Oh I'm sorry, Mayor Thomas we've talked enough and now some little punishment for deceiving a beautiful little maiden, REVENGEEEEEE!!!!'' Suddenly I start plowing away, people should have seen me, I was fired up!! I was hitting Thomas with everything I had, and then some!!

"Take that!! And that!! And that, and that!!''

"P-Please stop Claire, I feel I should warn you that it really isn't in your best interests to keep on ow, torturing me, ow with every tool, ow at your ow, disposal ow!!'' You'll lose important stamina that way Claire, owwwwww!!''

"Ha, sorry but you can't fool me this time clown man!! Huh?? H-Hey wait a minute, wh-what's going on??'' Suddenly my previous energy burst was gone and I felt lightheaded and dizzy, sort of like how people feel when they get off a rollercoaster, you know all icky and stuff.

"W-Why is the w-world spinninggggggg…..'' Finally not being able to take anymore I fall back and collapse.

"O-Oh my god!! Somebody, please help here!! Doctor, Doctor!! We need the Doctor right away!!''

"I think I see sheep….one, two, three….''

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_A/N:Oh wow, Claire is quite the little bitch isn't she?? lol, but that's just the way I want her to be, after all the nice Claires are boring and very annoying, let's just see how Doctor will react to a person like this lol. Anyways next chapter Doctor finally comes in, as does all the other villagers as Claire is shown around town. Stay tuned and don't forget to leave nice detailed reviews please!!!! (And yes I always have thought that Thomas looked like a clown lol.)_

_~FireMiko_


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